The Past that Will Haunt
by atalanta's apples
Summary: *COMPLETED* Something that happened in the past is haunting Legolas. Will he be able to overcome it or will it consume him? rated R for some violence, abuse, and other things
1. Demons in the Night

Disclaimer: Ahh, you should know that the minute I know where to get Legolas' body, I'll run, not walk, to where I can get it. Hee hee.in other words, nobody is mine *sigh*  
  
Author's Notes: It's going to be depressing but if you're up for it, I think you'll like it.  
  
"Stop," muttered Legolas, thrashing about in his sleep. Aragorn crossed the camp and looked upon him in concern. Legolas was sweating and was obviously in a lot of discomfort.  
  
"Legolas," whispered Aragorn. He gently shook the blond elf awake. Legolas woke up with a jolt and sat up. He was breathing hard and Aragorn noticed something disturbing. There was a long cut running along his forearm that was not there the day before. He gently fingered the cut.  
  
"Legolas, I don't believe we fought at all today or yesterday," said Aragorn, as nonchalantly as possible. Legolas quickly repositioned himself so that the cut was hidden from Aragorn's view.  
  
"It's really late or really early," he whispered. "Either way we both need sleep." Aragorn, knowing when not to push someone, nodded and went back to sleep but Legolas founds his thoughts somewhere and most definitely not at sleep. It was a recurring nightmare that he had since he was just a young boy. He could barely remember visions, just feelings. The feelings were as vivid as if they were happening to him right now. He shivered as the cold night breeze menacingly whirled around Legolas. He knew that in his dream he was terrified. There was an awful pain. Legolas knew that if he thought hard enough, he would be able to figure out what it was about. The problem was that he wished not to remember. He only wished to go back to sleep so that in the morning he and the Fellowship could continue on their way. He slowly fell asleep, unaware that the nightmare demon would rise again.  
  
"No, don't," cried Legolas. But he wasn't Legolas. He felt detached from himself and vaguely somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that this was a dream. He watched himself from outside his body as if he were a ghost. Another clue that this was a dream was the fact that Legolas was watching himself when he was only a little boy. A huge monster, a giant, came striding up. No matter how hard he tried, Legolas could not see the face of the giant. But he could see the face of himself and he could see that he was terrified.  
  
"Who do you think you are?" boomed the voice. Legolas winced. He knew that voice. Later he would completely recognize it but for right now, he decided not to remember it. He watched in horror as the giant struck the innocent little Legolas. His lip started to bleed and it swelled up like a blackberry.  
  
"You killed your own mother!" Legolas tried to reach the little Legolas but found that he could not move his arms. Again and again, the little Legolas was struck until he collapsed upon a milky white marble floor, almost gray compared to the little Legolas' complexion. Legolas started to cry for him. Tears ran down his face as the little one did not stir. For a second, Legolas wondered if he was dead but then soon chastised himself. If little Legolas was dead, then he would be alive either. Legolas could do nothing but pray that this dream would end.....that it would end soon.  
  
*I'm hoping that this story would be different from the usual, ah, you know what's coming next. Please R&R, you won't believe how happy it makes me when I see that I get reviews! As happy as I am whenever I see Legolas' body! Thanks for reading. Hugs @~}~~ 


	2. The Hands of a Father

Disclaimer: You know, I don't have to own Legolas. Only a little rent would make me happy. You know, like Rent-A-Hottie? Jk, no one belongs to me.  
  
Author's Notes: The dream sequence might have been a bit confusing but that was as well as I could lay it out.  
  
It was morning and Legolas was up early, before any one else was. He started to rock back and forth, thinking of the night before, the horrors of it. It seemed that each time, instead of the dream getting better, it just got worse. Legolas shook his head, it was all in the past now. He didn't need to think about it. He also didn't need to worry other people, especially Aragorn. He felt bad for waking Aragorn the night before although he had done it unintentionally. Legolas traced the cut on his forearm with a finger. It was reddish silvery, the blood of the elven kind. It was still fresh. Legolas pushed up his sleeves and looked carefully at his arms. They were milky white save the angry looking cut. No matter how hard he looked, he could not see any scars. But he knew that they still were there. An invisible net of scars running up and down his arms, winding around and around. It was the healing power that elves possessed that saved Legolas from walking around with scarred arms. Legolas shrugged and pulled the sleeves back down.  
  
The sun was starting to set, one of the most unfavorite times of the day for Legolas because he knew that night was coming near and night meant that he would have to face another night of terror. The others in the Fellowship had built a fire and were trying to get as close to the warmth as possible without burning themselves. They were all asleep, Legolas was sure of it. He refused to lie down and put himself at the mercy of the demons of night. He pulled up his knees and hugged them, staring in to the fire. Against his will, his eyelids began to droop.  
  
Legolas was young again and he was hiding behind a dark wooden cabinet. He could hear the giant's footsteps pounding near.  
  
"Where are you, you sneaky little..." Legolas was helpless again as he watched himself huddle in fear. He sat as close as he could into the shadows of the wall. Finally, the giant's footsteps stopped. They stopped very close. Legolas dared not breathe. Suddenly, a large hand picked up Legolas by the ear, almost tearing it. He was dropped onto the ground and little Legolas clutched his ear, blood starting to seep through his fingers. He was sobbing hard. Legolas knew that trying to stop the giant was impossible but maybe he could look away, pretend that this wasn't happening....the nightmare demons would not let him look away. No matter how hard he closed his eyes, the scene stayed unchanged.  
  
"No please!" cried little Legolas. "No, Father!"  
  
Legolas woke up again, nearly tripping into the fire. He rolled away into the dark night and stood up. He leaned against a tree for support, taking large gasps of cool evening air. He could still hear himself screaming, unwilling to fade away like the rest of the dream.  
  
"Father!" That word, that putrid word refused to leave Legolas. It swarmed his mind and clouded his brain like a poisonous fume. Legolas broke out in cold sweat. When would this all stop? Legolas turned and pounded the tree with all his might, trying to get rid of the screaming demons inside his head. Finally, they stopped and so did Legolas. He slid to the ground, holding his battered, bloody hands. But he was not defeated.  
  
"If you come back one more time," he whispered fiercely to the evil spirit. "I'll make sure that you wish you have never been born." But Legolas did not know exactly how he would do that.  
  
*Yes, it Thranduil is the giant. Hmmm....I was hoping it would be a sort of surprise but I'm not too sure if it was...ah well...please R&R! 


	3. Pushing Away

Disclaimer: Nope, not a single sexy guy is mine. But if I close my eyes and wish.....nothing happens...*sigh*  
  
Aragorn finally decided to come out clean and ask Legolas what was wrong. He knew that something was bugging the elf, if he only knew what. Legolas was pallid with darkness around his eyes. But what scared Aragorn more than the darkness was the sadness in them. The vibrant blue eyes had dulled, reminding Aragorn of fogs and mists, beautiful yet always holding a danger and acting as a shield. Aragorn wanted to blow away the mists and see the eyes clear again.  
  
Aragorn approached Legolas carefully, as if Legolas was a deer. He was afraid that Legolas would bolt at the sight of him. He noticed that the deep cut was now gone but Legolas was hunched over, sitting on a rock. He seemed to be moving his hands around, perhaps twiddling his fingers. The rest of the Fellowship bustled about them quickly to pack up their things and start traveling again. Aragorn walked up to him but as soon as he reached Legolas, the cheerful, normal greeting died from his lips. Legolas was not twiddling his fingers. He was bandaging them up. They look awful, bloody, cut knuckles. Red roses and violets were blooming in his skin like they would in a well kept garden.  
  
"Oh my god, Legolas, what did you do?" asked Aragorn. So much for playing it casual, he told himself. But the bigger part of Aragorn pushed that thought aside, only thinking of how Legolas would have hurt himself.  
  
"What do you mean?" Legolas voiced did not sound like a real person speaking. It sounded dull and lifeless like a wooden puppet. Legolas' head jerked up, as if attached to invisible strings.  
  
"Your hands," persisted Aragorn. Legolas stared at them in a sort of detached way. He slowly shrugged and finished bandaging them up.  
  
"Legolas," said Aragorn. "I need you to tell me what is going on with you." When Legolas did not answer, Aragorn gently but firmly shook his shoulders.  
  
"What's happening? What's wrong Legolas? I need to know." All of a sudden, as if Legolas had woken up from a trance, he pushed Aragorn away. He pushed with such force and because Aragorn was off-guard, Aragorn fell backwards.  
  
"There's nothing wrong with me!" shouted Legolas. "Why won't anybody just leave me alone?" He angrily strode off leaving a bewildered Aragorn and Fellowship behind.  
  
"What's bugging Legolas?" asked Aragorn, finally, when he recovered. Gandalf shook his head.  
  
"Do you not know?" asked Frodo. He too looked concerned.  
  
"There are many things Master Elf has hidden from us," said Gandalf. "I do not know them but even if I did, I would not wish to reveal them to you. It is his decision on whether or not he will share what is bothering him. If he does not share, we cannot push him to. These things cannot be forced." Aragorn frowned. What Gandalf said was true but that still didn't stop him from wanting to run after Legolas and ask what was wrong.  
  
Legolas sat alone, hidden in the bushes, much like he had hid from his father. His father. All of his life, his father was nothing but a demon figure, a giant that always knew where he was and what he was doing. Legolas suddenly frowned. There was a mystery in his past that even he did not know the answer to. He had a father but where was his mother? Where was his mother to protect him when he needed it most? Suddenly, his father's voice rang in his head.  
  
"You killed your own mother!" Could it possibly be true? Legolas shook his head, so confused. He traced the unseen lines on his arm. They reminded Legolas of his father. Never seen but always there, always bring pain. 


	4. A Mother's Love

Disclaimer: Hold on, lemme check...nope, not a single stud sex god is mine...  
  
Author's Notes: I'm still so happy whenever I get reviews! It makes me so happy!!!! Oh, oh, please check out my first fic, I have this soft spot for it because it's my first one...you know, like a sentimental thing...well, please check it out! :)  
  
That night, Legolas fell into another fitful night of sleep. But this night was different. The dream started out very differently.  
  
There was the most beautiful lady elf Legolas had ever seen in a forest clearing. She looked vaguely familiar, flaxen hair straight down to her waist, delicate features, and clear blue eyes. She had her eyes closed and was dancing by herself, no wait, she was dancing with an invisible spirit. She was dancing with the spirit of the forest. Legolas could see little Legolas peek out from behind some large leaves. The lady elf laughed and took little Legolas' hands and brought him out of the shadows of the bushes. Legolas winced to see that the little Legolas had a split lip and a black eye. The lady elf passed white porcelin hands over the wounds and they disappeared. The little Legolas smiled and the lady elf gave him a warm hug. Then suddenly, a shadow came over the happy pair. Legolas drew in a sharp breath. The large giant hand of his father roughly took little Legolas' tiny hands and started to drag him away from the lady. Little Legolas started screaming and trying to get away but Thranduil held on and took him away. The lady collapsed on the forest floor and started to cry. That scene quickly faded to another one of where again, little Legolas was crying in front of his father. His father frowned, seeing that Legolas' wounds were gone. Thranduil gave Legolas a mighty punch in the jaw. Legolas fell to the ground, skinning his elbows. Then Thranduil stalked away, very aruptly, leaving little Legolas confused and relieved yet with a little foreboding that remained claws gouging themselves onto Legolas. A scream split the night...  
  
Legolas woke up with a start, the dream running quickly through his mind. Who was the lady? She had been kind, she had treated Legolas with tenderness as a mother would to her child....a mother....she was Legolas' mother, realized Legolas with a jolt. He had finally seen his mother. But that scream, was that her mother's scream? Had Thranduil hurt her in any way? He put a cool hand on his jaw that was aching. Wondering, Legolas craned his neck to see his elbows. It was dark but Legolas could see that they were bleeding. He quickly went to a quiet stream and made sure in the river's reflection that his elbows were really hurt. Legolas' eyebrows notched up together. What was happening? How was it that everything that happened to him in his dream was happening to him now? He examined the rest of his arms and was startled to realize that faint, red lines were starting to appear. He fell asleep by that stream, cradling the image of his mother in his mind.  
  
"Legolas!" called Aragorn. "What are you doing here?" Legolas slowly awoke and pushed himself off the ground. Yawning, he answered, "I couldn't sleep last night, I needed a drink." Aragorn noticed the thin snaking lines around Legolas' arms but didn't speak of it, yet. Aragorn was startled by Legolas' eyes once more. They were dead. There was no spark in them. It was as if someone had blown out the candle within them. Aragorn tucked a lock of dark hair behind his ear and wondered how to say what he was thinking. Before he had a chance to ask him about how he was feeling, Legolas walked away.  
  
Later even Merry and Pippin noticed something about Legolas.  
  
"Oy, Legolas," called Merry. "Looks like you've landed a punch." Gandalf silenced him with a look but his eyes held concerned. So did Aragorn's. They could both clearly see the dark purple bruise splashed across the side of his jaw, contrasting vividly to his pale skin. It was as if someone had spilled grape juice on a length of white silk. Legolas turned his face away and let his long hair fall over a shoulder and hide it. Aragorn shook his head. He did not know how much longer Legolas would go on like this. He would talk to him tonight and he would make sure that Legolas would answer. 


	5. Pieces

Disclaimer: Oh, I do own someone now! I own Legolas' mother...maybe I should make a Legolas twin brother...  
  
Author's Notes: Ah, you know what I'm going to say, please R&R and tell me if this is moving too slow or if it's just going around in circles because that's what I think is kinda happening.  
  
Legolas had made up his mind. It was early afternoon and the Fellowship had taken a quick break, most of them gone for a drink or bathroom break. Only he and Gandalf remained. Legolas looked at Gandalf sharply. It was as if suddenly, a cord inside Legolas snapped.  
  
"Tell me who my mother is," demanded Legolas. "I need to know who my mother is." Gandalf looked taken aback by this sudden burst but he knew better than to baby Legolas and tell him only half the truth or no truth at all. That would only hurt him more. Gandalf looked deeply into Legolas' eyes to let him know that he was not lying.  
  
"Your mother was a frail creature," Gandalf began. "She was one of the loveliest elves I had ever seen. Your father loved her very much. In fact, he worshipped her. Master Thranduil lived solely for her. She was also very eager to love him back for he treated her with such sweetness and tenderness."  
  
"What happened?" asked Legolas. "How did she die?" His voice grew quiet again.  
  
"When you were about seven, she was taken away."  
  
"So is it true? Is it true that I killed my own mother?" Legolas asked, bitterly.  
  
"I didn't say she died," said Gandalf sternly. "I said that she was taken. You of all people should know that elves do not die quite that easily."  
  
"Then what happened?"  
  
"Your father. He was jealous of how much your mother loved you. He tried to break you two apart. He always knew that you were her firstborn, therefore you came before everything else, even him. It broke his heart to see that although you were her child. He....he hurt you, after awhile, he hurt your mother too. Then, the Lord and Lady had decided it was time to intervene."  
  
"So they took her away. But that didn't help," said Legolas. "My father kept hurting me and she was not there to protect me." He knew he sounded selfish but the pain would not disappear. Gandalf shrugged.  
  
"Who knows how the wise minds of the Lord and Lady work?" Legolas bit his lip. Although most of the puzzle was solved, a piece was still missing. But only one person could answer and she was not there to talk to Legolas.  
  
Later in the evening, Aragorn spotted Legolas and walked towards him. "Legolas," said Aragorn quietly. "Will you take a walk with me?" Aragorn wished to speak to Legolas privately. They knew each other well and maybe then Legolas would not be as shy to tell him what was bothering him. Legolas looked up. Aragorn was worried. Legolas had been hunched over on a tree stump, hugging his arms for the whole evening. Aragorn was afraid that Legolas would refuse but slowly, Legolas rose from the tree stump and Aragorn led the way into the woods.  
  
"Legolas," started Aragorn. "I need to know what's wrong. I need to know so I can help you."  
  
"Nothing can help me," said Legolas, bitterly.  
  
"I could try, just tell me," Aragorn persisted. Legolas sighed, then licked his lips. His eyes darted rapidly, wondering if he could get out of this. Aragorn saw a flicker of panic in Legolas' blue eyes, but then it sank back into the distant look, like a heavy rock sinking into the ocean.  
  
"My father," said Legolas. "My father, he was jealous of how much my mother loved me. He hurt us both."  
  
"He hit you?" gasped Aragorn. Legolas snorted.  
  
"If only that was it. He did everything to make me miserable. Hit me, touch me, make me a fool in front of others. He was insane, living in his own twisted world. If only he woke up and looked around him.." Legolas pulled out pieces of grass in desperation. "Then he would have seen how much my mother loved him too." Aragorn took Legolas' arms and pushed up the dark green sleeves of his shirt. The lines were still there, only darker.  
  
"Did he do these?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"Nay," said Legolas. "It was me." Aragorn could barely think. Lines, so many lines. How many times had Legolas done this to himself? Aragorn gently touched Legolas where the bruise was.  
  
"My father," said Legolas.  
  
"How did this stay for all this time?" asked Aragorn. Legolas was not about to share his dreams. He was tired, he was exhausted, in fact. He just wanted to sleep, sleep and never wake up. 


	6. Unable to Escape

Disclaimer: Um, Legolas' mother but no one but that. Yeah, you guys all know what's coming next: I wish I owned Legolas!  
  
The next morning, Legolas felt like kicking himself as soon as he saw Aragorn's face. It was exactly what he didn't want to happen. Aragorn looked at him, full of pity and guarded carefulness.  
  
"Good morning, Legolas," said Aragorn, kindly but a tiny bit condescending. Legolas frowned. This was one of the reasons why he wanted to keep things to himself. No doubt that by the end of the day the rest of the Fellowship would be looking at him the same way. Like he was a diseased deer that they much keep away from but still he held their sympathy. Legolas gritted his teeth and kept his lips pursed together. He walked in silence, bringing up the rear of the Fellowship while he made sure that Aragorn stayed at the lead with Gandalf. Several times, he saw Aragorn trying to make eye contact, trying to give him a 'reassuring look' but every time Legolas resolutely kept his eyes on the ground.  
  
"I didn't know we had a new puppy on board," said Gandalf.  
  
"What?" asked Aragorn, startled.  
  
"Legolas is not helpless," said Gandalf, sternly. "You know he can take care of himself. You're irritating him by treating him like he was only a young puppy." Aragorn flushed.  
  
"I was only trying to make him feel better."  
  
"Then treat him like you would anyone else." Aragorn ducked his head so that no one could see his red cheeks and kept walking.  
  
Night was dawning upon them before anyone noticed. The great lady of the night enfolded them all in her dark cloak and sleep seemed to come to many of those in the Fellowship quite easily. Except for two.  
  
"Legolas," said Aragorn softly. "I'm sorry, I should have known you could take care of yourself."  
  
"Thank you." Legolas sat still and Aragorn carefully sat down next to him. He wanted to make Legolas feel better but his mind drew a blank. Slowly he tucked a lock of pale golden hair behind Legolas' pointed ear. He tried to hug the elf and for a second, Legolas rested his head on Aragorn's shoulder, breathing deeply, but abruptly he pushed Aragorn away.  
  
"Don't get near me," said Legolas, looking confused and sad.  
  
"I'm only trying to help you," said Aragorn. "Why won't you let someone get close to you? They're only trying to be your friend." Suddenly Legolas looked furious.  
  
"Because everyone I've let get close to me either fucked me up for life or left!" Aragorn leaned back, stunned and let the elf stride away from him. Aragorn carefully cradled his head in his hands. Surprisingly, not a person woke from Legolas' outburst. They were all sleeping soundly. Aragorn heavily dragged him over towards where he was sleeping and joined them.  
  
Inside Legolas, the demons were back, screaming at him, taunting him, torturing him. He started to climb a tree, higher and higher, without ever looking back down. When he nearly reached the top, he walked carefully onto the end of a branch and stood there. Maybe if Aragorn had walked after him, Legolas wouldn't have jumped. Maybe if he hadn't listened to the voices inside his head he wouldn't have jumped. But neither happened and Legolas flung his arms wide open like a rock star and jumped. He wasn't scared, he wasn't angry. He was calm as he plummeted towards the ground. The forest floor started to rush up to meet him but in the last minute, something stopped Legolas' descent and he was left there, safe on the soft grass. Legolas saw something beside him, looking at him with tearful eyes. Almost disappearing now, Legolas tried to reach out and touch the figure. There was nothing but air. Before the spirit completely disappeared, Legolas realized who it was.  
  
"Mother." 


	7. Drowning in Sorrow

Disclaimer: He's not mine and he will never be mine (you all know who I'm talking about!) I do own Legolas' mother but that's about it.  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, this might be my last update for awhile because I'm going on vacation to South Korea for like two and a half weeks. I know they have internet cafes there but I'm not sure if they have Word or Word Processor or Notebook or anything on the computer because it's Korea and if they do have it, I'm not sure if they'll have it in English. So, just saying that this might be my last update for awhile, I hope you guys are enjoying it so far! Hugs @~}~~  
  
The next day, Legolas was a wreck. He was also angry. Why wouldn't his mother let him die? He wished he was dead, he felt he didn't have much of a purpose to live. Deep down, though, Legolas knew that he would not have been ready to die but that still did not make him feel any better. He looked at his arms, scars getting angry and red. They seemed to be taunting him, teasing him. There, but not quite, as if they were trying to escape Legolas' gaze. Angry, Legolas raked his fingernails across them and some of them opened up again and silver red blood coursed out. He wiped it the best he could on the grass but his hands were still bloody. Legolas could smell the metallic tang of his blood and wished it would go away. He had to get rid of his sorrows somehow but he couldn't seem to find a way.  
  
Full of desperation, Legolas, later, even took the offered hobbit weed. The rest of the Fellowship stared in amazement. Elves were very clean and they usually disapproved of things that were toxic to the body. But no matter how much he smoked, Legolas could not seem to get rid of the demons and sorrows.  
  
"Oy, 'tis enough for one day Master Legolas," said Merry, trying to wrestle the pipe out of Legolas' hands. They were trembling and Legolas' mind felt foggy and befuddled. He would have also tried to take the brandy but Aragorn stopped him.  
  
"What has gotten into you?" he asked. "You would have never tried to do things like this before. I told you, I'm here to help." Legolas didn't seem to hear him. And he didn't. All he heard were screams and cries and taunts. Everything started to blur together. Aragorn thought that it was because of the drugs but it wasn't. Somehow, Legolas got through the day and at night, he collapsed into bed. He was drowning in his sorrow. He did not know how to escape it. Every time he'd close his eyes, his father's taunting face would loom over him and every time he'd open his eyes, the scars on his arms were just as terrifying. They were all haunting him, making him wild out of his mind. He fell deeper and deeper into a dark haze of putrid, awful things and soon, he did not care if he'd ever come back out of that tunnel.  
  
It was morning and Legolas was still sleeping. By the time the Fellowship was ready to go, Legolas still had not stirred.  
  
"Legolas," whispered Aragorn softly, slightly shaking him. Legolas did not move.  
  
"Legolas," said Aragorn louder. Legolas was as still as a statue.  
  
"Legolas!" cried Aragorn. "Gandalf! Please! Come quick! Legolas is not waking!" It was true. Legolas was unmoving. He lay there, looking almost peaceful. Save his pointed ears, he looked like an angel from an old Italian painting, sculpted, perfect. But Aragorn looked more carefully and saw dark shadows making halos underneath Legolas' eyes and how tightly his lips were shut together.  
  
"Please, Gandalf. Don't let him die," begged Aragorn. Gandalf was carefully examining Legolas, and concluded that he was still alive, but barely. Aragorn took Legolas' thin hand. He jumped at the sight of his hand. When was the last time he had eaten? Had his sorrow eaten away at him like an animal eating its prey?  
  
"What's wrong with him, Gandalf?" asked Aragorn, his eyes searching Legolas' face.  
  
"Grief. Grief and sorrow, I'm sorry Aragorn, there's nothing we can do but wait now." Aragorn clutched Legolas' cold, marble like hand. Please don't die, prayed Aragorn, silently. Please, please come back. Please don't die. 


	8. Meeting the Demon

Disclaimer: nope, not mine, never mine  
  
Author's notes: surprisingly, none! wait, actually i do have something: for those of you who haven't read the review i put for myself, it was ME the narrator who thought that Legolas looked like an old italian painting, not ARAGORN. And yes, jan, i DO know my geography AND the geography of Middle Earth *pout* hee hee jk, thanks for letting me know about my mistake. oh i'm writing this from a smokey, icky internet cafe, i can't wait till i get back to my own laptop!  
  
Legolas wandered, cold and alone in the dark tunnel. Grotesque grinning faces leered at him from the darkness. He didn't know how long he had been wandering alone. He saw a bright light at the end of the tunnel, only the size of a pinpoint. Try as he might, he could not reach the light. Deep inside himself, somehow Legolas knew that reaching that light would mean that he was come out of the darkness and into the real world. But that was beyond his reach. He could not get to the light no matter how hard he tried. He sank down onto the cold hard floor, reaching his way to a wall and leaning against it. He put his head on his knees and closed his eyes. It was so dark. Darker than any dark that he had ever experienced. It made no differenced whether he closed his eys or opened them. The darkness only broke momentarily to show some sort of putried creatures reaching towards him. Legolas shuddered. Then, like the devil himself, Legolas saw a figure gliding towards him. Legolas shut his eyes again but the figure was imprinted inside his eyelids. He looked away. He couldn't look at the figure, that would fuck him up for life.  
  
"Legolas, how are you?" asked the figure. It's voice was silky smooth like a snake's. Legolas swallowed hard, his mouth gone paper dry. It hurt his throat and Legolas blanched.   
  
"Hello father."   
  
  
@~}~~~  
  
"How long is he going to stay like that?" asked Frodo to Aragorn. "Is he going to be all right?" Gandalf answered although the question was directed towards Aragorn for his head was still bowed over Legolas' still form.   
  
"We do not know how long, Frodo," said Gandalf, gently. "All we can do is wait."  
  
"How is he to defend himself?" asked Gimli. The others looked at him in confusion. Gimli frowned.  
  
"Well, I'm not about to forsake this mission just for one elf," said Gimli, stubbornly.   
  
"How can you say that?" shot Boromir. "Look at him. The least we can do is wait with him until he dies." Boromir shut his mouth quickly at the slip of his language.   
  
"I mean until he wakes up," he corrected himself, hastily. Everyone but Aragorn believed that Legolas would not awaken again for it was past noon and he still had not moved a single finger.   
  
"We are on a mission," said Gimli. "We are on a mission to destroy the one ring, not to babysit an elf."   
  
"Well then, you go, but I'm staying," said Aragorn, his voice harsh. It was the first time he had spoken for a long time. The others looked at each other uneasily. They very well knew that this journey was pressing but they could not leave without Aragorn.   
  
"The Fellowship is about protecting Frodo and the ring!" cried Gimli, not giving up.   
  
"No!" said Gandalf in a commanding voice. "The Fellowship is about staying to gether and not giving up on one another." Silence pressed as heavily on the Fellowship as a thick fog.   
  
"We will stay with Legolas until he awakens." Aragorn was glad that Gandalf made a point to sound as if he was sure that Legolas would awaken. He looked at Gandalf gratefully and saw that Gandalf was looking at him and Legolas with sadness. Aragorn was glad of that. He perferred sadness. Pity he wouldn't. Pity would have hurt. The others in the Fellowship ambled about, setting camp up again, sure that they would stay for a while. In the background, Aragorn could hear Gimli grumbling about something. Aragorn ignored the rest of the Fellowship and shut his eyes tightly, his mouth pursed. He put his hands over his ears to shut out the sound. For a second, he looked like the three monkeys that wouldn't acknowledge evil. Then Aragorn removed his hands from his ears and held Legolas' hands. Aragorn looked searchingly at his face, hoping he could catch a glimpse of life fluttering across his face but there as none.   
  
"Legolas, can you hear me?" Aragorn whispered. "Wake up, please, Legolas. We need you." Only silence answered him. 


	9. Against His Blood

Disclaimer:Of course I do own Legolas!....*sigh* in the perfect world however, not the real world :)  
  
"What are you doing here?" asked Legolas, his eyes still closed.  
  
"I've only come to say hello to my favorite son," said Thranduil, in suspiciously kind voice. Legolas finally opened his eyes. He saw that his father was exactly the way he remembered him to be. His father was handsome, beautiful in a dangerous kind of way. He was like a many colored, jewel snake, beatiful yet can kill you in one strike.   
  
"I am your only son," said Legolas, harshly. "I was hoping that if I am dying, I would at least do it away from you."   
  
"Such harsh words to a father," said Thranduil. He looked mockingly hurt but Legolas saw in his eyes the dangerous, angry glint. Legolas stayed silent.  
  
"Well?" pressed Thranduil. "What are you going to do about me?" Legolas thought, I want to kill you. Thranduil laughed, a huge belly laugh as if he had just heard Legolas' thoughts.   
  
"Even what you think isn't safe from me," said Thranduil harshly. "So you want to kill me, is that right? I fed you, I clothed you, I kept you sheltered."  
  
"You're my father! Isn't that what fathers do?" cried Legolas. "Besides, if I had the choice I would have lived on the streets then stay with you." Thranduil's hand moved quickly and struck Legolas across the face. Legoals winced and took a few steps back. For the next minute, Thranduil hit Legolas and Legolas' old instincts of clenching his teeth and trying to ignore the pain returned. Legolas looked at Thranduil angrily.   
  
"Is that as hard as you can hit?" asked Legolas. He was so angry that he barely felt the blows that were brought upon him. Thranduil struck him so hard that Legoals felt himself starting to black out but he kept himself firmly grounded in where he was. The stars in his vision faded and all that were left was his father.  
  
"Well then?" demanded Thranduil. "Kill me then." Legolas saw in his hand a ivory handled dagger appear. This was a evil place, Legolas decided. Where else would an object to hurt someone appear so readily? Legolas stared at the dagger for a full five minutes, then threw it on the ground.  
  
"That's what I thought," said Thranduil, laughing. "You always were a gutless coward. You can't even kill me if you tried, Legolas. That would be going against your own blood and that's illegal."   
  
"I won't kill you," said Legolas, calmly. "I'll just make sure that you never hurt anyone again."   
  
  
  
Aragorn did not know how long he sat there, holding Legolas' cold hands in his own. Then, he opened his eyes, startled to feel blood. He pushed up Legolas' sleeves and found in horror that there were bruises and blood up and down his arms, like prints of rose and violet petals. Whatever was happening in Legolas' mind right now was hurting him. Aragorn bit his lip so hard that it started to bleed. He started to weep silently, tears rolling down his face and onto Legolas' stained tunic. He held Legolas' hand so hard that his own cramped.   
  
  
  
*hee hee, i'm gonna leave it at a sort of cliffhanger thingymajigabob. But i will write as soon as I can go back home! I'm still stuck in an internet cafe and both people on both sides of me are smoking like they can't live without it. Ack, i'm getting secondhand smoke! pray for me people! ewww....... 


	10. A Light in the Darkness

Disclaimer: I only own Legolas' mom who is going to make quite an appearance in this chapter, hooray for her ;) and I do own the scary faces that are leering up at Legolas and terrorizing him in this dark cave thingy, oh! And I do own that ivory handled dagger that appeared in Legolas' hand! And, um....and...oh! and I own....this is getting really pathetic. *sigh* no, I don't own Legolas or Aragorn or Thranduil or Gandalf or Frodo or.....  
  
Author's Notes: Yay! I'm finally back! That means I'll be updating a lot sooner much to the great excitement of my avid fans, I know....*sigh* I wish....hee hee....More of annoying Gimli in this chapter. Hey, I had to make something up to keep Aragorn busy, right? I mean, how boring would this get if all Aragorn did was sit there holding Legolas' hands? Very boring in my opinion. Besides, Aragorn's buff body was not made just to have it be sitting around and weeping no matter how touching it is. Hee hee.......  
  
"So you are, are you?" asked Thranduil. "How ever are you going to do that?" Legolas didn't answer and only stared hatefully at Thranduil and only concentrated on pushing him away. Faint at first, but then stronger, a red cloud of smoke started to appear and surround Thranduil like a demon's breath. Thranduil jumped in surprise and tried to wave the fog away. Unlike what a normal smoke would do, it did not dissipate and only came stronger.  
  
"What are you doing, Legolas," demanded Thranduil. "What devilry are you setting against your own father?" Legolas set his mouth in a firm line. Thranduil started to panic. The smoke of getting thicker and was closing in on him and he was having trouble breathing.  
  
"Please, my son," pleaded Thranduil. It was hard for Thranduil to beg and look helpless. But he'd do anything to stop this, this thing that looked as if it would end in his destruction. Legolas shook his head and stared at this father.  
  
"I'll kill you first then!" cried Thranduil. He lunged at Legolas with a silver dirk in his hand and murder in his eyes. Legolas did not see for there was another battle happening inside of Legolas and his vision had turned inwards. Painful scenes and thoughts flashed by Legolas' eyes as he saw himself being beaten, tortured, humiliated. Legolas gritted his teeth and stubbornly remained as he was. The visions started to pass by quickly and blurred together. Every angry, helpless, painful feeling was all combined at once and was running through Legolas' veins. There was sorrow and anguish crashing in side him. Suddenly, Legolas felt himself rise above the pain and there he rested for a moment, his head clear. Then Legolas realized that the pictures of his abuse had slowed down and suddenly stopped on one scene: the one between he and his father that was happening this very minute. Legolas opened up his eyes just in time to see the red cloud completely cover Thranduil. Legolas shut his ears from Thranduil's pained, agonized screaming. Then the scream stopped and it was silent. The red fog disappeared into the air silently and where Thranduil was standing just a moment before, there was nothing but darkness.  
  
"Goodbye Father," whispered Legolas.  
  
"You have to eat something, Aragorn," said Gandalf. "You haven't touched food since yesterday's dinner." Gandalf took Aragorn's wrist and gently pulled him away from Legolas' still form. His impossibly pale skin was starting to look almost bluish and that chilled Aragorn down to his bones.  
  
"He's not going anywhere soon, lad," Gandalf said, softly. "Besides, what would Master Legolas think if he woke up and saw you all perished away and sick?" Aragorn let himself be led to where the others were sitting around a fire, eating dinner. They all fell silent was they saw Gandalf and Aragorn approaching. Sam passed Aragorn and Gandalf plates of a hearty meal. Boromir had done some hunting that day. It was Gimli that was first to break the silence.  
  
"I don't see why you care so much of Legolas, Aragorn," grumbled Gimli. "He is just one elf with obviously to family ties to you. Why do you care so much for one creature?"  
  
"He is a friend, Gimli," said Aragorn. "You may care for nobeast but yourself but I have compassion and love and I care for a friend, especially one as close to me as Legolas."  
  
"But it cannot be only friendship, Aragorn, can it? I'm sure befriending the prince of Mirkwood would have its perks. I mean, a king of Gondor should have some alliances, am I right?"  
  
"Master dwarf, that is enough," said Gandalf sternly.  
  
"You know nothing of friendship, you mud crawler!" screamed Aragorn. An angry light flashed in Gimli's eyes. Dwarves found it extremely insulting to be associated with mud and what Aragorn called him was extremely offensive.  
  
"The day I have a human insult me is the day when I kiss Sauron's feet," cried Gimli. "I would kill a man for calling me that. You will be in twice the pain for being an elf lover." Aragorn stood up suddenly and punched Gimli hard in the face. Gimli fell head over heels. Everyone looked shocked. Nobody tried to stop Aragorn when he stalked away back to Legolas.  
  
Legolas stood alone in the darkness. Even the tiny dot of light in the distance had disappeared. Although it was pitch and Legolas could not even see his own hand in front of his eyes, he was comforted for the faces had not appeared once more and the eerie evilness of the place seemed to have vanished. Legolas sat and rested his head on his knees, suddenly tired. He cared naught for how to get out of this cave at the moment. The only thing he felt now was calmness and a feeling of power of finally defeating his father. Then, Legolas blinked rapidly. From far away came a light. It was not the same light from before for it was coming towards him. Legolas rubbed his eyes but it did not disappear. As it came closer, Legolas saw that it was a being coming towards him. It was a woman with pale gold hair wearing a simple white dress with a girdle of green leaves and ivy around her waist. Her face was fair and her bare feet skipped over the dark floor. She knelt beside Legolas.  
  
"Mother?" asked Legolas. Legolas' mother smiled and held out a hand. Legolas took it and he felt himself being whisked away.  
  
*Whoo hoo! Longest chapter I've ever submitted! Wow, my chapters are pretty short, I know. Well, anyhoo, I hope you guys enjoyed it. I sure enjoyed having Thranduil get what he deserved. Or perhaps I should have made it more painful....... 


	11. In the Realm of his Mother

Disclaimer: More of Legolas' mother in this chapter. Isn't she quite the heroine splashing out onto the screen like that, her very first debut too in my fics. Well, lucky ducky for her, I don't own anything else as you all probably know by now...  
  
Author's Notes: My story is slowly starting to wind down to a close. But take heart my dear fans (hee hee, I still like to imagine that I have a lot of fans...) another story is currently underway and I hope you guys will check it out. I'm planning on it to be much longer and less depressing, maybe. I dun know yet but yeah, we'll see how things go.  
  
"Come along, Leggy," his mother said.  
  
That nickname spurred a million memories inside Legolas' mind. He suddenly remembered his mother baking a large birthday cake for him, his mother reading aloud a book to him in front of a warm fire, playing games together, Legolas now remembered everything. Most importantly, he knew how much his mother loved him.  
  
Legolas and his mother finally stopped and Legolas carefully examined his surroundings. They were outdoors, that was clear. But was it a garden or a forest? Legolas decided that it was a marvelously wild garden. The garden seemed full of life and the wind carried the sweet scent of lavender and roses and vanilla. The grass was plush beneath Legolas' battered feet and the air was warm. Legolas' mother seemed to know this place well and she bent down to greet every flower, cradling their petally heads in her arms as if they were children.  
  
"Mother," said Legolas. "Where is this place?"  
  
"This is my home now, Legolas," answered his mother. "This garden is a place between your realm of living and the realm of the dead and the realm of the gods."  
  
"It sounds quite uncomfortable," said Legolas, hesitantly. His mother laughed.  
  
"Oh, it's not bad, Legolas. It does take some getting used to but it's safe here. Safer then any place, I bet."  
  
"Do you live here by yourself? Don't you ever get lonely?"  
  
"I have my flowers to keep me company. And if I wish, I may look upon your doings, Legolas, back in the realm of living."  
  
She led Legolas to what appeared to be a marble statue. It was the statue of a graceful lady looking down, smiling pleasantly. Her milky white stone robes fell to the ground in silky drapes and she held a round, silver disk. Legolas at once felt drawn to the statue but afraid of it too. Legolas' mother smiled lovingly at the statue.  
  
"This is Aphrodene, my eyes for your world." She passed a delicate hand over the disk and the disk, to Legolas' amazement, clouded then on the surface showed none other but Middle- Earth and its inhabitants.  
  
"With a little practice you can view one person in particular. For me it was you."  
  
Legolas nodded, his eyes still fixed on Aphrodene.  
  
"It was a gift from Galadriel. She took pity on me, she thought I might get lonesome by myself here. I'm glad she did although at the time I tried not to accept the gift."  
  
"Why did you have to leave?" asked Legolas.  
  
"It was the Lord and Lady's will. You know that no one can go against what they decide is right. You know that, Legolas."  
  
"Then I have another question. What did I do to.Thranduil?"  
  
Legolas felt that it was wrong to call Thranduil father. He was never a father and he ever would be, at least to Legolas.  
  
"You defeated him," said Legolas' mother, her eyes shining happily. "You did not kill him for that would be disastrous. No matter how much you did not like him, Legolas, he still is your blood father. No, you did something better. You banished him to a distant and lonely place where he will stay until he has truly learned his lesson and decides to renew his ways. But I'm sure that that will be a very long time."  
  
"It hurts, Mother," whispered Legolas. "I try to forget it but it stays there all the same."  
  
Legolas saw that his mother had tears in her eyes.  
  
"I'll help the pain Legolas," she said. "But I cannot guarantee that it will make you let go of the pain completely."  
  
Legolas nodded. He put his faith in his mother.  
  
Aragorn did not know when he had lapsed into the habit of talking to Legolas. He just sat there for hours, talking to Legolas about everyday things and about things that were happening and how he was feeling.  
  
"I feel so bad, Legolas," said Aragorn. "I didn't mean to hurt Gimli but he made me so mad. Everything does." Only Legolas' slight rise and fall of his chest answered Aragorn.  
  
"Will you ever come back?" asked Aragorn. "You'll still be my friend whether you do or not."  
  
"Aragorn?" questioned a gruff voice. Aragorn turned to see that it was none other then Gimli. Gimli stood there, looking sheepish.  
  
"I'm sorry," he finally said, simply. Aragorn understood.  
  
"I'm sorry too," Aragorn answered, quietly. They stood there like that, both looking at Legolas, one praying that Legolas would awaken, the other relieved that the tension in the air had finally evaporated.  
  
*Ahhh, friends will always be friends. Gimli so not annoying in this chapter....don't worry, Aragorn's wait will not be in vain.. 


	12. Healing

Disclaimer: I don't own anybody but Legolas' mom. I wish I were her in this chapter though lol ;)  
  
Author's Notes: I was really sad 'cuz I got like no reviews. Plus it was really hard to review in the first place because I just started school again and the teachers are assigning homework like they'd die if they didn't. Just please send a little review, you know, to keep me going because I almost didn't finish this up. Thanks!  
  
Legolas' mom took Legolas' hand and led him over to a marble bath. Water fell from a basin at the far left side and the water babbled happily.  
  
"Okay, Leggy, I have to look at your wounds," his mother said.  
  
Legolas stepped out of his clothes and into the water. He stifled a gasp of surprise. The water was pleasantly warm, not at all cold like he had expected. His mother shook her head sadly and waded into the bath too, her dress swirling slightly in the bubbling water. She produced a strong smelling salve from a pocket of her dress and started to rub them into Legolas' cuts along his arms and shoulders and neck. The salve burned at first, then melted away into coolness. Legolas saw in amazement the cuts close and disappear completely. His mother handed him a soft green towel and gave him a clean forest green tunic and leggings and left him. Legolas was pulling on dark brown boots when his mother came back.  
  
"Legolas," his mother said softly. "We have to talk some more." Legolas rubbed the towel through his hair to dry it.  
  
"About what?" he questioned. His mother passed him a crystal plate filled with bread and fruit.  
  
"You know I haven't healed you completely." Legolas nodded slowly, eating grapes one by one, each bursting with a sweet flavor.  
  
"Only you can heal yourself Legolas but you cannot do it alone."  
  
"You make no sense, Mother," said Legolas, frowning in thought.  
  
"Legolas, everyone is a chest. When someone loves you, a treasure is put in the chest. When you are hurt, a treasure is taken away. You, my love, have been hurt so deeply that you are locked within yourself. No treasures would escape but at the same token, none can come in. When you return, you can either chose to go back to your old self, quiet, never sharing, or you can open yourself up to others and have them help heal old wounds. Don't lock yourself up," she said, nearly pleading.  
  
Legolas looked into his mother's eyes, they were full of pain and worry yet a tiny sliver of hope shined like a light in a dark and dismal place.  
  
"You can be loved by so many," she continued. "Don't throw away the key, learn to love. In a dark world like the one you are forced to live in, Legolas, only love can heal you. Only love can close old, open wounds."  
  
Legolas closed his eyes in thought.  
  
"Thank you," he said simply.  
  
His mother smiled at him and stroked his hair. As Legolas finished his meal, they both stayed silent.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Aragorn," said Gandalf. "I must speak to you. It is about Legolas."  
  
Aragorn glanced at Gandalf then slowly turned to face him. Gandalf sat before him.  
  
"Master Legolas will awaken," said Gandalf, in a quiet voice.  
  
Aragorn's eyes lit up.  
  
"But," said Gandalf. "Even if he does, he could still die very quickly."  
  
Aragorn sobered.  
  
"How could we keep that from happening?" he asked. "There is a way to keep him alive, isn't there?"  
  
Gandalf nodded.  
  
"You must love and care for Legolas, Aragorn. You are the one who has to show him that friends do not always hurt each other."  
  
Aragorn frowned.  
  
"Legolas does not wish for my love," he said.  
  
Gandalf tutted.  
  
"How do you know this to be true?" he questioned, gray eyebrows raised.  
  
Aragorn shrugged.  
  
"He's never asked for it."  
  
Gandalf sighed, slightly exasperated.  
  
"Aragorn, for a ranger and the king of Gondor, you can be quite blind in some ways."  
  
Aragorn started to open his mouth in protest but was silenced by Gandalf.  
  
"When a baby needs its mother's love, does it ever ask?"  
  
Aragorn frowned.  
  
"It's different. Babies cannot talk. Legolas certainly can," said Aragorn.  
  
"It is not different," answered Gandalf. "Legolas is still a child, Aragorn. Can you not see that? He is a lost and lonely child wandering in a world. He has been hurt like no one should ever be. You have to guide him back home Aragorn."  
  
"How can I?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"Be gentle, Aragorn," advised Gandalf. "He must trust you. He half does already."  
  
Aragorn pressed his lips together and nodded.  
  
"Now wait, Aragorn. That is the only thing you can do now."  
  
For some unexplainable reason, Aragorn felt that change was coming. He hoped it was for the good. 


	13. Into the Light of Life

Disclaimer: Hey guys, you should know by now, I dun own anything except Legolas' mom and two other characters who dun talk much and are only gonna be in this chapter.  
  
Author's Notes: For all of you who reviewed, thank you sooo much. It was such a big help and now I think I'll finish the story really, really soon. Thanks guys, please R&R!  
  
Legolas embraced his mother for the last time.  
  
"You are not leaving me forever, Legolas," said his mother, smoothing Legolas' hair down. "We will be together again."  
  
Legolas nodded and sheepishly wiped his tears away. His mother smiled at him then turned Legolas and had him walk towards a dark portal. Immediately, the beautiful, peaceful garden that his mother lived in blurred then disappeared into darkness. Legolas could see a bright light of life coming from up ahead but in front of it, two figures stood, guarding it. Legolas caught his breath. It was the Lady Death and her Consort. They were the guardians of the gates between the dead and the living. The Lady Death was beautiful in a terrifying way. Her hair was long and black and hung down to her waist. Her face was impossibly pale, not unlike Legolas' own, and not a hint of color seemed to touch it except for her icy cold blue eyes. She wore a dress that fluttered in an invisible wind. Her Consort stood by her regarding Legolas with wise eyes. Legolas knelt before the Lady and took her hand and kissed it. Her skin was cold and as white as snow. He felt a jolt rushing through his body.  
  
"Please," he said. "I wish only to return to Middle-Earth. My friends need me," he said, voice steady.  
  
The Lady Death gave a sidelong glance to her Consort. They exchanged a look that meant a thousand words but silently. Legolas breathed a sigh of relief when the Lady Death smiled gently at Legolas and stepped slightly aside. Her Consort did the same. Legolas marveled, surprise that they were kind.  
  
"Go on Legolas," said the Lady Death, speaking for the first time. Her voice was low and melodic.  
  
"Just walk straight through the light. At first it may be jumbled but you will find your body quickly."  
  
"Thank you," said Legolas and bowed before the majestic pair. He did as the Lady told him to do and stepped into the light.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Legolas slowly opened his eyes but immediately closed them once more for the sun was too bright. He opened them up again, more carefully.  
  
"Legolas?" asked Aragorn, amazed. He was amazed. Aragorn did not know whether he was dreaming this or not. "Are you really awake?"  
  
Legolas found it extremely hard to talk and he swallowed a couple of times.  
  
"Master Elf, your throat must be dry. You haven't drunken anything for at least a week," said Gandalf, handing Legolas an animal skin filled with water. Gandalf then left the two and Aragorn breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that he was not imagining this.  
  
"Legolas," said Aragorn seriously. "You once told me that everyone you've ever trusted hurt you or left you. Not me, Legolas. I will never leave you until the day I die."  
  
Aragorn hugged Legolas fiercely and Legolas was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling that he hadn't felt in a long time. He was feeling safe.  
  
*Sorry so short! This one's almost done! But I have a feeling the last chapter is going to be even shorter so please bear with me! Please R&R! 


	14. Epilogue

Disclaimer: No one is mine except for Legolas' mother and the Lady Death and her Consort.  
  
(Legolas' POV)  
  
I run through the forest,  
  
I am the wind rustling leaves, gliding between blades of vibrant emerald grass.  
  
I kiss the flowers awakening them from a deep sleep.  
  
I throw myself onto a bed of flowers, drowning in violets.  
  
The moths swirl around me. They each whisper a hello.  
  
I dance in the forest, I dance with the spirit.  
  
I dance with the spirit of my mother.  
  
*And finally, The Past that Will Haunt comes to a close. This has been such a journey for me, I hope all of you guys who read it thought so too. Well guys, this was the final chapter and I have to tell you guys, this was so much fun writing! The reviewers were AWESOME. Thanks for reading guys! 


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